Lavender Halls
by Ithurial
Summary: When the clown prince of crime decides to break you out of Arkham what do you do? Go with him. For Jonathan Crane how much worse can things get. eventual JokerXCrane. Violence, fun, and a very pissed girlfriend. Reposting first chapter the rest is new.
1. sup doc?

Ithurial: This is my first Batman story I'm posting, sorry if the characters are a bit OoC, but I'm working on it. The history of the characters, particularly Crane's, are partially from the comics and partially of my own interpretation. Character likenesses are based on Begins and TDK, where possible, so its Ledger's Joker.

I do not own Batman and the stuff that comes with it or the legend of Sleepy hollow, please tell me what you think and whether I should keep going, thanks.

Lavender Halls chapter 1

_To see him striding along the profile of a hill on a windy day, with his clothes bagging and fluttering about him, one might have mistaken him for a genius of famine descending upon the earth or some scarecrow eloped from a cornfield._

_-The legend of sleepy hollow, Washington Irving_

The smell of Lavender wafting through the halls was different, but not entirely unwelcome by anyone. However, the new aroma did take Jonathan by surprise that morning. That delicate smell cut its way through an average day at Arkham conspiring against it to overwhelm the gray, which was a healthy change for the place where the words "new" and modern where meaningless, and not form over use.

More to the point, the smell made Jonathan think of someone, someone with long blond hair and a smile for everyone. That fragrance always accompanied a young doctor, who was one of the few genuine friendly faces Arkham had seen in a very long time, emphasise on the very. Don't get me wrong Jonathan didn't have a thing for the girl, god forbid she was bearable at the best of times. It was just… familiar.

Now as to why he could smell Lavender in an old building like the one he was currently sitting in attempting to read a book, which was near impossible, what with the din Nigma was creating over deal or no deal, was the important question.

"It's pointless, how they can take an hour to pick a couple of boxes and then cry over it is beyond me. They came on the program with nothing and leave at least 1p richer, how much have they lost? Nothing, that's how much!"

And so it went on. Jonathan however had a feeling that the perfumed mystery would come bounding through that door at any moment, probably with a green haired accomplice, Jonathan couldn't be sure he hadn't been able to see the latest update on the news as, even though he complained about it constantly, Edward felt the need to watch the show every time he got the chance. But, as far as he heard there was no mention of the police picking up the infamous clown, yet.

"That's it I'm changing the channel" Edward announced, Jonathan couldn't believe what he hears, he was actually turning the show over, he had never done so before.

"Just leave it, it's only a programme"

"Well, you would say that, you like it when they start crying."

"Hay, Fears my speciality, not despair" _although it's not entirely unwelcome _he admitted, not out loud though.

"sure" Nigma over emphasised rolling his eyes and changed the channel anyway. As luck would have it, on to the news channel, which had the jokers face plastered over it.

_Well that's answered that question _Scarecrow laughed, the police was obviously still looking for the clown prince, no doubt in the aftermath of some explosion; that man wasn't lying about liking dynamite. _But that doesn't mean we wont be seeing him around here any time soon._

Jonathan sighed, his counter part was right, like the Batman, Joker had a talent for disruption, not to mention turning up at random times, dragging chaos behind him and dumping it all over you like a make up covered garbage truck.

As predicted within moments of the news going to an add break, the door swung open and in bounced a giggling girl, with blond bunches that swung around like fair ground rides.

"Hay guys!" she smiled, once she had finished hugging Pam who _was _napping in an arm chair.

"So how was the outside world?" The red head asked dragging Harley to the sofa, pushing Edward to the floor and ignoring his grumblings.

"Brilliant! Mister J's so much fun!" She laughed as she pulled her legs up by her in to a "ready to glomp" position. "We rode around Gotham in a cop car setting people on fire, then we held a couple of pre-schools hostage until Batman turned up."

"Pre-schools?" Pamela was shocked.

"We weren't actually going to hurt the, it was just to attract the Batman"

"Then what happened?" Eddie asked from his new spot on the floor, as Jonathan had taken the only other near comfortable chair in the room.

"Oh, mister J said that while I distracted the Batman he should escape, so that he can rescue me later. He said it'll be fun, like an adventure and he can my knight in shinning armour!"

Everyone ignored the small laugh that came from Jonathan's vicinity and carried on listening to Harley's retelling of her and Jokers chaotic exploits.

*****************

Later that day Jonathan was lying on his bed, listening to the various creaks and grounds that echoed around the old building, the place was never still and silent someone somewhere was always crying, someone laughing, someone talking, someone shouting and someone always screaming. Arkham had that affect on people, that was why Jonathan loved the dump so much. The air was never crisp and clean like it was in the country, the sounds where never nature nor could you hear the shiver of the corn fields. No, it was the furthest thing from the places of his childhood, which made it the perfect escape for Jonathan.

Still, there was something in the air that night, a sort of buzz. _Maybe Leland's trying out electroshock therapy on someone_ he thought half heartedly to him self. No, it was the wrong sort of buzz. Jonathan finally settled on that it was because everyone was expecting the Joker to waltz in and rescue Harley.

_Yeah, like that's going to happen _Scarecrow scoffed.

He was right, the Joker didn't _rescue_ people, the only person he has any real interest in is the Batman.

Which meant that Jonathan almost had several heart attacks when his door swung open in the middle of the night flooding his dark cell with light, framing the silhouette of a clown.

"Oi Crow, ready to go?"

AN: Now for the continued list of thing I don't own, Deal or no deal (Riddler was watching the English version, why? Because I've never seen the American version, and I'm the one writing *smile*) Somewhere there's a sort of reference to one of the lines in Monty pythons the life of Brian, actually I think that's it….. Not as many as I thought… oh well if I missed one, sorry. Now I'm going to watch Edward scissor hands or Red eye, I cant decide, maybe both, they're both Brilliant, although Red eye does have the magnificent Cillian Murthy. *sigh* Till next time, Bye.

Oh I found it, there's a line, sort of taken from the new song by Just Jake, its called the day I die and its really nice.


	2. Bamm!

Ithurial: I'm back at last sorry about the long wait, I got sidetracked by sixth form stuff. … … anyway on with the story, anything in italic is in Jonathan's head. Disclaimers in chapter 1.

_The joker is in my cell._

_**THE**__ Joker is in __**MY**__ cell._

….nope it still made very little sense, and in his half sleep state, it didn't look like it was going to any time soon. Having the clown prince of crime darken your doorstep even stunned Scarecrow into silence, which was something he thought was impossible. But, it happened and all Jonathan managed to splutter out was a very confused "What?"

"I said…" the joker rolled his eyes in an overly theatrical manor, that just served to irritate Crane, much like all the lip liking did, _I wonder if he wears peach flavoured lip balm or something_ " are you ready to, err , go?"

Jonathan snapped back into life, "Go? I didn't realise I was leaving." he replied in his normal unemotional tone, laced with the slightest touch of sarcasm.

"um yeah, yah did"

"no, no I didn't"

"well I did"

"and that's suppose to mean that I know, how?"

"well, if I know then you should know"

Jonathan just blinked, the man was infuriating.

"… so are you coming or not?" The joker sighed " 'cause I could find someone else if you didn't wanna-"

Before Jonathan could stop him self he climbed off of his bed and walked over to the Joker, barefoot and still half asleep. At which point Scarecrow snapped out of his shock and decided that this was the stupidest thing Jonathan had ever done, and that it brought into question whether Jonathan really was a genius.

_Um…Jonathan?_

_Yes?_

_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!_

_Leaving with the Joker_

_Why?_

Jonathan mentally shrugged, he didn't know why it just seemed that at that moment, on that day Jonathan Crane _had _to follow the Joker out of his cell.

Outside there was two guards slumped on the floor, with long red rips going along their cheeks in a ghastly replica smile.

"Why do you have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Carve their faces up after they're dead"

The joker shrugged "dunno, why do you have to poison people?"

"because-"

"I don't really care, Crow. Now come on, places to go, people to see" The clown grabbed Crane by his arm and dragged him of down the hallway, almost tripping over the guards legs: he never did like them much anyway, so it was no great loss to Jonathan.

"Where are we going?" Crane finally asked when they got halfway towards the exit then turned in the opposite direction.

"On a little detour, stop being so scared sweets', your in safe hands" _Safe hands _Jonathan would of felt safer locked in a cell with a venom pumped Bane, at least that creature was, somewhat, predictable, whereas the Joker wasn't . Jonathan didn't like that. He liked control, as it was often pointed out to him, and with the Joker there was no control, he could tell that much already.

"To where?" Jonathan tried to say forcefully and dug his heals into the ground causing the clown to stop and turn around.

He raised an eyebrow "are trying to be scary, crow?"

"No, I just want to know" Jonathan replied looking up ever so slightly, so that he could look straight into the Jokers eyes, suppressing the small shudder that always runs down your spine when you stare into the eyes of a cold hearted killer.

They looked at each other in that way for a while, until Jonathan had to look away. Joker smiled to him self "You've got real pretty eyes there, doc. It would be a shame if had to poke them out." The clown laughed and carried on walking ahead dragging Jonathan along, Crane took this as the Jokers way of saying one of two things; one, Don't ask any question, or, two, that the Joker's making it up as he's going on.

_Or he just wants to poke our eyes out_

Jonathan sighed _and why would he want to do that?_

… _seriously Jonathan are actually that thick? _Scarecrow shook his head _Look he's a psychopath, I know it, you know it. Why don't we just go in the other direction and make our escape… on our __**own**__. _

_No, I want to know what he's up to, see how he works _

Scarecrow sighed, _you really are impossible. Fine do what you want, but I don't want to have to say I told you so. _And with that the Scarecrow took the backseat, watching.

After a minute or two they began passing the over villains cells, most of which where asleep; much to Jonathan relief, he wasn't sure if he would be able to explain this. He wasn't even sure if he understood what was going on. Well, when I said they where all asleep that was except for one.

"Hay Mr Jaaayyyy" Harley sung out fron her cell. "puddin' over her!"

"Harls my girl, how nice to see you again." The Joker laughed walking over to her cell.

"I am soooo happy to see you again!" She giggled "...and look you brought Johnny too! This is going to be so cool!"

"I bet it is, and I would also wager that yah really want to escape about now too."

"Ah-ha" Jonathan could clearly imagine the once respectable psychiatrist, nodding her head like a school child, and was disgusted at what the Joker had done to her all over again.

"well good luck with that." The Joker began to walk off down that hall.

"Mr J! Where yah going!" she called out down that hall "Don't leave me here! Pleeaasssee Mr J, Ill be real quiet likea mouse, or an elephant in slippers. Mr J!"

The Joker didn't even look back and Jonathan didn't know what to do.

"Johnny, you won't leave me. He's going to come back you'll see. Its just a joke. Your sooo funny Mr J! He's always making jokes like this, like the time he chucked me out of the window or was going to blow up Gotham with me still in Arkham. Don't you agree Johnny, isn't this real funny?" she looked at him with desperate eyes.

"I-"

"Come on Girlycrow, don't dawdle, its bad for the environment." Before Jonathan could say anything, he was dragged of by his sleeve. Listening to the quietening pleas form Harley as they went further away.

They carried on down the hall until they came to a large elevator. They both stopped. The joker looked at the door. Jonathan looked at the Joker. The door... did what locked doors do.

"Abrakadabra!" Joker shouted waving his arms so that he almost whacked Jonathan in the face. "kablooee!"

"What are you doing?" Jonathan asked ducking out of the way of Jokers arms for a third time.

"Opening the doors" The clown replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

"Then why don't you just open up the door with the access code or something?"

"Well, gee, I didn't think of that Dorathy, God im so glad I have you around." Joker rolled his eyes and carried on with the random shouting of supposed magical words or comic book exclamations.

Jonathan ignored that "I take it you don't have the access code?"

"Zzapp!"

"...no then. You know they're probably still the same as they where when I had them installed." Jonathan said idly to him self but load enough for the joker to get the hint.

The joker tuned to Jonathan with a large, well larger grin "Guess what Doc, I have just had the best idea since cereal companies thought to put small plastic toys in their boxes. Why don't you open the door." It wasn't a question and Jonathan could tell, so he sighed and walked up unlocking the door. Joker skipped inside dragging Jonathan along with him, pressing the all to tempting, glowing 'down' button as he passed it.

The elevator door shut with a satisfying clatter and the two villains began to descend.

_We're going to die. _Scarecrow grumbled.

_Stop being so persermistic. I mean, whats the worst that can happen._

_You obviously haven't heard of sods law._

_I thought you where being quite?_

_fine.... idiot _

_What?_

_nothing_

_A/N: Harley's passed experiences are based on the animated series. I cant remember which episode she fell out of the window, but, im sure its on Youtube. The blowing up Gotham thing is from 'Harlyquinade' well I think that's how its spelt, anyway that's on youtube as well. whereas on a totally different note, I am in love with Repo! the genetic opera all over again. If you haven't seen it, find it and watch it. Its really good... if you like the whole rock opera thing, but even still. Also someone else has probably noticed this already but the tag line on Red eye, a brilliant film starring Cillian Murphy, is 'fear takes flight' how perfect is that!_

_Anyway, thanks for reading, bye._

_~I_


	3. The way to OZ

AN/ There are so many apologies in this author note, if I wrote them all down and you where to read them, you may actually die of old age… or get bored and go read another fiction. Anyway, sorry for the late update.

Thank you for the reviews _Black391_, _Miz. Jinx _and _bezerkoid _(sorry your reviews disappeared when I moved the story but I'm still thankful)

Chapter 3- The way to OZ

The elevator clattered to a halt and the heavy metal doors to the asylum basement slid open, to an old eerie silence. Well, what Jonathan believed to be eerie, however with a drug, slash, psychosis addled brain, a cabbage patch kid was the stuff of nightmares. But, true eeriness aside, real or otherwise, the Joker didn't seam to notice it, instead he strode out of the doors and down the corridor that, as Jonathan remembered very clearly from his time as administrator, lead to the tunnel network; that curled up beneath Arkham like a giant worm. These tunnels at one time housed a few cells, that, for a short period of time housed a few test subjects. However, now, as everyone in the asylum knew, it housed Killer croc, and currently a deranged clown and a straw man where heading straight for the monster.

_Jonathan?_

_Yeah?_

_If your done reminiscing about good times, could you please find out what the hell where doing down her. _Jonathan could hear the slight tint of irritation in Scarecrows voice, probably because Jonathan hadn't done what he had told him to do, or because he wasn't letting Scarecrow take control. So he decided to do what was asked of him and avoid a migraine inducing shouting match between him and his other half.

"Um… Joker?"

"That's my name." The clown called over his shoulder, he was a good three paces ahead and didn't look like he was going to slow down anytime soon.

"Why are we down here?"

"Didn't I tell you not to ask questions?" The Joker smirked still striding down the increasingly dark corridor.

"But that was then, and this is now."

"…and the difference is?"

"Now we're heading towards Crocs home away from home"

"Fair enough" The clown shrugged and turned around sharply, making Jonathan crash into him, "Whoh there Doc!" Joker grabbed Jonathan's hand stopping him from crashing to the ground. The doctor steadied himself and snatched his hand away like he had been burnt; giving the Joker a look so cold an ice cube would have to put on a jumper. "Don't want you to go shattering all over the floor now do we."

"I wouldn't _shatter_" Jonathan sneered "You shouldn't have stopped so quickly"

The Joker sighed like he was disappointed with a small child, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Jonathan was practically seething at that one.

"As I was _going_ to say before you decided to rudely interrupt me. We're taking a short cut"

"a short cut?"

"Yes"

"Through crocs lair?"

"Yep"

"…" _We're dead._

"Your not going to die" The Joker laughed "your safe in my hands, I'll look after you" The Joker said his supposed reassurance in possible the most condescending tone any human could muster.

_Hang on didn't we have the same argument about ten minutes ago? _Jonathan sighed, running his hand through his hair. "fine, let's just get on with this"

"I _knew_ you would see it that way" With that The Joker linked his arm around Jonathans. "_Weeeeee'rrrrrreeeeeeee-"_

_Please lord no, anything but-_

"_Of to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of OZ." _The joker sung skipping of and dragging his poor companion with him.

Meanwhile Scarecrow was having a practical laughing meltdown at the back of Jonathans head, interspersed with the occasional lyric that they knew. _If ever a Wiz! there ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because, Because, because-_

_I hate you both _

"-_because, because, because, because. Because of the wonderful things he does. We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz."_

"Pssst Ivy," Harley poked the red heads cheek "hay, Red"

"What Harley" Ivy muttered rolling over, then sitting up with a questioning look. "What are you doing in here?"

"There's been a break out"

"…and that's practically a hobby of most the inmates here."

"It was Johnny"

"… and, he has broken out on his own before. As long as he brings his medication it's no big deal."

"I don't know about medication but it was the Joker who broke him out"

"_The_ Joker?

"Yes, _the_ joker isn't that what I said, God, Red try and keep up"

Pam frowned "Why would Jonathan go with the Joker?"

"More to the point why would my Mr J break Scarecrow out?"

Pam sighed she really didn't want to know what that deranged clown had planed, but if Johnny's involved…"I don't know Harley; just go back to bed before someone finds you."

"Fine Pamela, I'll go if I'm not wanted" Harley so badly wanted to slam the cell door as she left, but her common sense got the better of her and she closed if softly, stomping down the corridor like a very angry pillow… that had sprouted legs and learnt to walk… in slippers.

"I said I could be quiet. I told him. And he didn't listen. I told him. The idiot broke out Johnny and not me. Fine. I'll show him who he loves most in the _whole_ world. Joker prepare to feel the pain of LOVE!"

"Oi, you, what are you doing out of your cell making a racket!"

_Woops _

* * *

_AN_ on a slightly different note, I just realised that for some unexplainable reason in chapter two I had some aversion to the word 'you', seriously I think I left it out at least _4 _times! Sorry ,I fix that when I get a chance along with the other stupid mistakes I made. On a totally different note, my dad brought me a hand painted Joker bobble head and a Joker mug!! It was an all out 1000 on the awesome scale. The part in this story about a shouting mach inside Jonathans head is my small homage to _Lauralot_'s story 'Shadow selves' I would recommend her stories a million times to anyone who hasn't read them yet, and if you have than you know how amazing they are (I think I have reread them all at least twice) and I apologise for the quality of my writing in comparison. The next update should be soon.

Till next time.


	4. Chicken

AN/Later then expected, a lot later. I really suck at the updating thing.

Chapter 4- Chicken

Finally, the Joker reached the end of what must have been the forth or fifth reprise of 'we're of to see the wizard' and settled for just humming the tune, which all things considered was extremely preferable. The Joker still hadn't let go of Jonathan's arm, the unwanted contact was fast becoming unbearable, and so, when the clown decided to lean his head on Jonathan s shoulder making the Joker walk at an angle that couldn't possibly be comfortable, Jonathan decided that was it.

"Get off." Jonathan took a step to the side causing the Joker to tumble side ways, leaning tower of Pisa style, for a moment before catching himself.

"Now that wasn't very nice, Johnny. " The Joker reprimanded, wagging his finger in Crane's face. "I should, erm; take away _all_ your privileges for that."

"What privileges?"

"The privilege of having my company." he said snootily. "_And_ the privilege of being able to walk."

_I do like walking… _Jonathan carried on walking forward, deciding that by not talking back to the clown he could keep some of his _privileges_.

_Chicken_ Scarecrow heckled

_Shush, you like walking just as much as I do _

_So what….Chicken? _Scarecrow then went on to make disturbingly good chicken noises. Scarecrow as annoying as he is, has some very odd hidden talents. For example, take his ability to sprout random, totally unrelated facts, like forest fires move faster uphill than downhill, or that a porcupine flouts in water, how scarecrow found those out without Jonathan noticing was anyone's guess.

While pondering such a question Jonathan noticed that… _We're walking on our own._

_Buckbarrr- what?_

_We're walking on our own_

_So we are, well how about that, we lost BoBo_

Jonathan sighed and turned around. The Joker was standing sort of still, being that it was physically impossible for the Joker to stand still, about four metres behind them. "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for an appy polly loggy_" _The joker wiggled as he spoke in time with the syllables.

"A what?"

"An. Appy. Po-"

"I know _what _you said, but an apology _for_ what?"

"Offending me so badly."

"No."

"_Fine_. I'll stand here until the heavens fall and hell rises up and takes control of Disney… and, err, coca cola" The Joker crossed his arms in defiance, fixing his most determined and _serious _glare he could muster on Jonathan

"Don't be childish" _If hell does exist, which it doesn't; I'll guarantee you that Disney was established by Satan himself there would be no need to take over_. Jonathan didn't add that little remark as, knowing his luck, Disney is most likely close to holy for the insane clown and he would castrate Jonathan for saying anything against it.

"I'm not being _childish_" The Joker paused for a moment, then to Jonathan's amazement decided to poke his tongue out at him.

****

_I was being silent! How come nosey, old Mayhue heard me! _Harley thought angrily to herself as the guard came bounding down the corridor towards her. In Harley's books Mayhue was to loud, to porky, and way to experienced at his job, making him one of her least favourite guards. Not that you have favourite guards in place like Arkham, but there where ones that you didn't want to put in an industrial sized blender, quite as much as others.

"You should be in your cell"

"You should be in a retirement home" She replied like a sulky child who had just been to not to have any sweets until after dinner.

"_Quinn_" Mayhue threatened.

"Nothing, Mr Mayhue"

"Better, now back to your cell" He placed his hand on her back to guide her back to her cell. Harley hung her head and made her way back, giving the perfect show of a sullen, apologetic mental patient who was caught with he hands in the previously mentioned bag of sweets, waiting for her opportune moment to strike. "Don't dawdle" Mayhue pushed her forward a little guiding her into her cell; she quickly grabbed his hand, twisting it backward. Mayhue let out a yelp and snatched hold of Harley's hair as she tried to run off. "Don't you dare, you little-"Mayhue cried out as Harley kneed him in a place no man wants to be kneed in.

"Hope you didn't want any children, ha!" She laughed and ran of down the corridor, towards the car park of freedom.

****

"God, how long is this corridor, we must have gone right past Narnia _and_ Oz" The Joker moaned as he dragged his feet along the ground in exaggerated tiredness, resembling a man who had to walk through a desert after crashing his glider into a sand dune.

"It can't be much further, but then again, this it is possibly the longest and stupidest root out or Ar-

Jonathan was interrupted by a loud roar that reverberated around them causing a few fragments of cement dust to fall down and settle in their hair.

"Do you think that was croc?" Jonathan whispered."

"Crow, if I said no I would be lying. But if it makes you feel any better, no, I do not think that was Croc coming to eat you like Golem eats fish. " the Joker answered not even trying to be quiet, so Jonathan wasn't entirely surprised when they heard the thumping of a giant reptile running down the hall towards them.

AN; Golem likes to eat fish "raw and wriggling" just in case you didn't know. The facts the Scarecrow has apparently spouted at some point are entirely true, as far as I know. Sorry for the long update and the short chapter(s), for some reason I can't write long chapters for this story.

Oh, and who else is excited about Arkham Asylum 2, I know its still in development, but even still! I'm going to post a link on my profile page to the teaser, go forth and look computer game fans, its going to be legendary.

Reviewers, you know you're awesome.

TTFN!


	5. Alarm Bells

AN: lookie lookie, we have another update. For disclaimers see first chapter.

Lavender halls

Chapter 5: Alarm bells

_Shity McShit'n'shit, shit, _Jonathan cussed in his head, as the thumping echoed around the small tunnel. He franticly looked around the room looking for some form of escape route, or some way of disabling Croc before he got his claws around his neck. Alas, there was nothing. Nada. _Shit. _It was times like this that called for desperate measures.

"So, _Joker_, what's your plan?" Jonathan sighed.

"Plans?" The Joker laughed "You really don't know anything about me!" he laughed "And why do you say my name like that?" He sounded almost hurt, almost.

"Like what?"

"Like it's a dirty word"

"I didn't" Jonathan replied defensively thinking that an argument about names was very inappropriate given the reptile situation. Scarecrow agreed.

"Yes you did."

Both clown and the divided doctor froze. Neither of them had said that.

Jonathan dared not look to his side, as he was pretty sure that he could smell something fishy next to him. "umm Joker" Jonathan said through the corner of his mouth

"humm?"

"Are you a ventriloquist?"

"How _dare_ you imply I do such things! What I do in the privacy of someone else's bedroom, is between _me_ and that lucky person with whom I do it with!" Joker loud whispered back.

Jonathan now had some seriously disturbing images as to what the clown may think ventriloquism is and felt the increasing need to whack his head against the nearest wall until the offending image disappeared.

Both where snapped yet again out of their reverie by a load growl in their ears.

"Croc!" Jonathan squeaked.

"So nice of you boys to remember me" They felt the mutants hot meaty breathe wash over them and Jonathan new that that smell was going to cling to his cloths, sure it was a state issued bright orange jump suit but it was _his_ garish jump suit.

The Joker turned to Croc with his ever present Cheshire grin, "Croc, old buddy! How've yah been?" Much to cranes amazement Joker slapped the reptile on it's back.

"I've been hoping to see you, clown boy." Croc growled sending a new wash of smell over the pair as Croc put his massive hands of Joker and Johnny's shoulders. " You owe me a lot of money."

"Now, now, Cro_c,_ what's money between good friends?"

"We're not friends"

"oh."

"I want my pound of flesh, clown boy"

0000000000

"Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, I'm always sooo sneaky" Harley giggled as she hid behind one of the cheap cars in the car park. Checking the coast was clear, she crept around to what she knew was Mayhue's car, he went on about it often enough to anyone in earshot. Still huddled down low she opened the door and scrambled inside head first, legs following a close second. .

"Hehehe, I rule"

Harley took out the set of keys with the snoopy keying, that she had lifted from Mayhue in their little altercation.

"A grown man with a snoopy key ring and an unlocked car door deserves to have his car stolen." She laughed to her self as she started up the engine and manoeuvred the car out of its space, before pausing mid movement.

"Now if I where Puddin' and I had a pet Scarecrow where would I run away to?" She hummed considering her options. Suddenly the thought clicked into her pretty little head. "Ice cream!"

And the car skidded away, bashing its way through the gate, waking the ever vigilant, totally hard working, security guard from his mid shift nap.

"HAY. YOU. STOP!" He called out to the speeding car hanging his head out of the small security office window, slamming his hand on the emergency alarm button.

0000000000

"When you say pound of _flesh_, can I pay that in _installments_ or is it transferable, because I know a few people who would be more than _willing_ to pay my debt for me."

"No. Your flesh."

"O-kay… how about I get back to you on that one. Right now I have a proposition for you."

"Last time you said that I ended up here." Croc growled through his ample teeth. Jonathan decided that he would rather eat razor blades than stick with this conversation, which was heading towards danger at a break neck speed, and slowly backed away down the hall towards the exit, which couldn't have been much further.

"Oh no you don't, sack boy." Croc reached out and grabbed Jonathan by the collar and pulled him back to the conversation "If I don't like what the clown has to say, I'm eating you to."

Jonathan gulped and wished he has some hefty supply of fear toxin ready to shove down the over grown lizards throat.

"I'm listening Joker"

"Oh, goody! Right I need you to-"

They were interrupted by a load whining sound which started above them and then quickly traveled down to their little domain, bringing with it the sound of a lock down and flashing red lights everywhere.

"What's that?" Croc growled angrily shaking Jonathan as he did so.

"It's the alarm. They've found out that someone's escaped so they put the whole building on lock down; everyone is put in their cells ready to be counted. " Jonathan explained trying to pull away from killer crocs grasp, slightly amazed that he had the ability to speak let alone explain Arkham protocol.

"Now _whose_ silly idea was that?" Joker laughed.

"Well, it was, kind of… mine." Jonathan said sheepishly.

"Bad Johnny, very bad Johnny" Joker scolded, waging his finger in Jonathans face.

"Now the only route out is through the tunnels." Jonathan sighed.

"…and I guess you want my help?" Croc growled, everything he said was a growl, not a Batman-esque growl, that's more the kind you develop when you have the flue. No, Croc's growl was more like an "I'm going to eat your face growl", not pleasant. It smelt bad to.

"That would be nice, but I also have another, better proposition. Gather round _kiddies_ I have a tale to spin."

0000000000

Riddler hated being woken up. Especially by loud clunking sounds, sirens that would make dogs cry and flashing red light. That, although only came through a small window in the door, somehow managed to shine straight into his face. Grumbling he rolled onto his back and carefully opened his eyes. Through the sleep induced haze he could clearly see shadows of what he presumed where orderlies and guards, running backwards and forwards shouting something about a gate.

Slowly, Edward climbed out of bed and made his way towards the small barred window. From what he could gather, being the world's best detective that he is, that either someone had escaped, or, the gate was possessed like in the Adams family, although the latter was unlikely.

Using far too much effort he tapped on the window, trying to get the attention of one of the orderlies that where scuttling around. No one notice. So, he hit the thick plastic window harder. Edward assumed it was plastic as Arkham was unlikely to pay for anything more. After a couple more whacks, each sucking up a great deal of effort, and, to be honest, interest. (Although being the greatest mind of the 21st century it was still 3 in the morning and even super geniuses need their beauty sleep) Riddler finally managed to attract someone's attention.

"What do you want Nigma?" The generic guard asked, he looked flustered and slightly agitated.

"What's going on?" Edward asked as politely as he could not wanting to give the about to burst guard a reason to "teach him some respect", as they like to say.

"There've been some escapes tonight by your fellow costumed scum"

"Oh. Who's escaped?"

""Never you mind, now go back to bed runner bean boy"

"Runner bean boy?"

"Yeah, coz you wear green and your skinny"

"…"

"Go to bed."

"Bumbling ignoramus."

"What was that?"

"Nighty-night."

And with that the guard grumbled away.

Riddler didn't know who had escaped or how many. Maybe they have all escaped leaving him behind to rot in Arkham? Edward tried not to dwell on that and decided on one thing and one thing only, he was going to escape, and it was going to be spectacular. The fantastic comeback of the Riddler.

"Bow down at my intellectual superiority, Gotham city; forget demented clowns, hallucinating straw-men and giant reptiles with surprisingly clean nails. The Riddler is back and-"

"SHUT UP!"

"SHUT UP YOUR SELF, DENT!"

AN//

At last an update, hallelujah! I've had some problems with uploading this one. Technical, computer-rey problems, that I don't understand. So do you want to know the good news? Of course you do. I have actually got the rest of this plot line properly planned out. So how about a quick coming soon (hopefully)?

Batman _actually_ shows up, so does Bruce Wayne funnily enough. Joker discovers that butlers aren't play things. Harley's hot on their trail, kinda'. And Croc gets his pound of flesh. Dun Dun Duuuuunn.

Also, a huge thanks to my beyond awesome reviewers, sorry I haven't replied to some of them, again confusing technical problems.

Night Monkey your advice is always helpful, and if you still reading this, I looked up the ocean dwelling, tongue eating, louse thing you metioned in plausibility, and I feel so relieved that I'm not a fish.


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